Monday, October 25, 2010

You only THINK you know what is right for me.

I am currently engaged in a facebook conversation that is irking me. It is a conversation i have had with a lot of people a lot of times before. It is the "Now Carmen, just because you have had a bad experience with a man in the past, doesn't mean you should give up. There are lots of nice men out there..." conversation.

I am of above-average intelligence. Not bragging, it's fact. I am aware that there are good men out there. I even personally know some of them. I just don't want one. And that drives my female friends crazy. I have NEVER had a man question my man-hating stance funnily enough. Men let me be. Women try to beat me down and convince me that not only should I be looking for a man, I should WANT a man.

What the hell? Wasn't this the point of the feminist movement? To prove that women are equals and that we don't need men? When a man enjoys being single and makes no attempt to seek a partner, short-term or long-term, it's no big deal. So why am I constantly being berated for my position?

My friends know my current feelings towards being in a relationship with anyone, and they try to draw the debate argument out of me by constantly bringing it up. These people are supposed to be my friends??? I am already stressed about the topic, being dragged through courts because of this bad experience. Stop kicking me when i am down?

The only thing I can think is that it somehow threatens them because i don't want a man!?! I have never said I never want a man again, only that i don't want one now.

Now i am going to change tabs and end the conversation and imagine all the judgemental things my 'friends' are thinking about me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

!@#$%^&*!

This will teach me to put off posting. Now I have too much to write about.

A Queensland police officer brutally attacks 3 young victims and gets 27 months.

CCTV footage here

What is wrong with this? let me count the ways-

1. A police office is someone who by definition is in a position of authority- this makes any crime any police officer commits worse. By tenfold.

2. The officer was convicted of three separate attacks. why the hell wasn't it stopped at one? Maybe if someone had bothered to stop him after the 1st incident, it would have stopped there.

3. Other police officers were present on all 3 occasions- by not doing anything to stop him, or reporting him after the fact, they were condoning his actions. I am led to believe from the news story I watched that some are under investigation and some have resigned over it, but still, only because he was caught.

4. When one female victim tried to complain about her treatment (she was charged with assault for scratching the bully officer) she was told if she was to make a formal complaint it would take years and cost her ten of thousands of dollars. A junior officer ended up dobbing him in.

5. In one incident Mr Price shoved a running hose down his victim's throat, almost drowning him. Where is the attempted murder charge??

6. 27 months is a joke. He can apply for parole after just 9 months. He almost killed one man and abused his position of authority to seriously assault two others.

7. Any time he does spend will be in protective custody. So on one hand his crimes re serious enough to warrant protective custody, on the other hand, a slap on the wrist will do.

One commenter/sympathiser said this "his life is knackered now anyway,no job or career no prospects of employment when finally out (as his name has been freely bandied about before any conviction etc..wouldve been tainted badly even if he hadnt been convicted of anything), no pension, his circle of friends will be decimated and he will have lost everything.."

The fact of the matter is he was found guilty, because he is (video doesn't lie) and he deserves all that AND 27 YEARS.

Cops do a really tough job, but it shakes me up to learn that there are (people) like him out there.


In other news, the Western Australian government today formally apologised for the policy which saw unwed mothers have their babies forcibly taken from them and put up for adoption.Yay! It's ok for governments to make mistakes, even really big ones, when they honestly believe they were doing the right thing. It is tragic what these mothers and children were put through, but it really comforts me when they have the gonads to apologise. Even if it is a few decades too late (better late than never!)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Church for Atheists/ NonChurch/ UnChurch??

I have an idea. Hold onto your seats.

I've never been a member of a church, but I have been privy to some of the perks. The community. I've been to craft groups and playgroups run by churches and the feeling of community and friendship is awesome. Could be just love-bombing to trap me into their cult but it could be real community.


I've been a member of a single parent support/social group. That was pretty good, except the membership dwindled so much I was the only parent of young children left so I didn't have much in common with the ones left- all their kids had grown up and left home. That was good while it lasted.


And I did look into becoming a scout leader. I was a brownie/girl guide on/off during my younger years and I thought it would be beneficial to my social life, my career and my daughters. Then I found out about the promise to serve God (and all of a sudden repressed memories of me mumbling that bit during my own guide meetings came flooding back).


So what if we combined all these things and did them together WITHOUT RELIGION. Members wouldn't have to be atheist/agnostic but there wouldn't be promises to God or pressure to attend church. We could have 'Youth groups' like churches do and scout type activities, just without the shared (mandatory) prayer. We could go on camps together and fun stuff like bowling etc and get group discounts and share the fun together.


You don't have to go every week, you just get a list of activities and join in on the ones that interest you. Everyone 'hosts' an event (organises it) or two a year and we all widen or network of friends and give our children back COMMUNITY.


Whaddya Reckon?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

One is the Lonliest number.

I am really depressed. I can't remember feeling this depressed for a very long time. With my history, that's a pretty big call.

I have been medicated for depression for 6 years. It took a while to get the drug and the dose right and I went to a very helpful course with other new mum's suffering depression and learnt a lot of skills to manage my depression when the medication isn't enough. Trouble is, when your feeling this depressed, you really don't want to do anything to help yourself get out of it (this is called the downward spiral).

Serious things have not gone my way recently, things that make me very anxious. Anxiety is just another form of depression we learnt. I know its bad when I can't sleep- I'm one of those 'Damn right I'm good in bed, I can sleep for days!' people (that was going to be the title of this post, but too upbeat for how I'm feeling). The last time I couldn't sleep was when our young family was seriously looking at being homeless- that's how serious it has to be before I lose sleep. I haven't slept properly at night for over a week.

Mostly the problem is I don't have a large "Support Network". I don't have a lot of friends, I had a vey small family to start with, before a lot of them turned their backs on me, and the things that usually keep me sane, work, dancing etc aren't on in the school holidays.

If you know someone with depression, or maybe someone with little or no family, call them, please.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Password Trouble :(

My computer has a virus again, not ironically from a virus protection site. Plant a virus or 17 and then sell the user your product to get rid of them. I am tearing my hair out trying to get them off but I fear I will probably just end up giving my computer to my friend's teenage son to fix. Again.

The problem is, during the virus removal, what-the-hell-do-I-do-when-Ctrl-Alt-Del-doesn't-work! battery removal state of desperation my computer 'forgot' all my remembered passwords and I can't remember them either!

Facebook it IS NOT helpful when you tell me I used an old password and do I remember making the change. It is also unhelpful to send a password reset confirmation code to my email, because, guess what? I can't remember that password either!



These constant warnings are only causing me mass anxiety and are not helpful at all and I just want to send a message to the virus that says- I don't have any money! Stop wasting your time and leave me alone!

Incidentally, this is the only place I can get onto, so any helpful suggestions would be appreciated :)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Slow and Steady

I am going to try a new stunt. I am going to try and trick myself into doing all the things I know are good for me. I am going to take a gradual,measured approach in the hope that this will make my new life improvements stick. i read somewhere that you have to do something every day for a month for it to become habit. So I am going to try something new for October. I am going to remember to take my anti-depressant meds as soon as I wake up every day. Because I forget a lot. And that is not good for me or my kids or anyone around me. I am going to make a big, bright sign for next to my bed and leave my pills and a water botlle there. And hopefully after a month it will just be habit and I won't even have to try anymore. Future challenges will include:


I will "Findy Thirty" minutes of physical activity every day- playing with the kids, walking, dancing etc.
I will drink 8 glasses of water every day- I read somewhere that being even 5% dehydrated causes your cognition to fall by over 20%!
I will do 4 pleasures every day.

any other suggestions would be appreciated. If this works I'll be perfect by this time next year!