One is the Lonliest number.

I am really depressed. I can't remember feeling this depressed for a very long time. With my history, that's a pretty big call.

I have been medicated for depression for 6 years. It took a while to get the drug and the dose right and I went to a very helpful course with other new mum's suffering depression and learnt a lot of skills to manage my depression when the medication isn't enough. Trouble is, when your feeling this depressed, you really don't want to do anything to help yourself get out of it (this is called the downward spiral).

Serious things have not gone my way recently, things that make me very anxious. Anxiety is just another form of depression we learnt. I know its bad when I can't sleep- I'm one of those 'Damn right I'm good in bed, I can sleep for days!' people (that was going to be the title of this post, but too upbeat for how I'm feeling). The last time I couldn't sleep was when our young family was seriously looking at being homeless- that's how serious it has to be before I lose sleep. I haven't slept properly at night for over a week.

Mostly the problem is I don't have a large "Support Network". I don't have a lot of friends, I had a vey small family to start with, before a lot of them turned their backs on me, and the things that usually keep me sane, work, dancing etc aren't on in the school holidays.

If you know someone with depression, or maybe someone with little or no family, call them, please.

Affirmations

I had/have these written on little coloured pieces of paper in a pouch and I take one out and read it when I feel the need. Sometimes I carry it with me all day, or until I don't need it anymore. A girlfriend of mine put them in a jar on her kitchen bench (I made her a set) along with nice things her husband wrote about her.

1. I meet all challenges with enthusiasm and power
2. The matter at hand is in my hands
3. Dare to Dream!
4. Trust my intuition
5. I see problems as opportunities and difficulties as challenges
6. I forgive and relese all those who have hurt me
7. I draw only the best people to me
8. I bless and release all of my old pain
9. Where there is great love there are always miracles
10. I take charge of my thoughts and feelings at all times
11. Healing myself is the first step to healing the world
12. Chickens scratch, ducks flock and eagles soar
13. I believe in myself totally!
14. Others success inspies me toward my own
15. I make a difference in the world
16. I move forward when I know what I really want
17. Focusing on the present heals my fear of the unknown
18. It's my inspiration that motivates me
19. I give thanks for the lessons I have learnt
20. Abundance is mine!
21. I go within to understand what's without
22. I trust myself to make the right decisions
23. I only attract the highest experiences for my growth
24. I judge only the weather and the time
25. I know the solutions to all my problems
26. My life is a series of positive choices
27. How I see myself today is how I will behave
28. All anxiety and Insecurity dissolves from my life now!
29. Better the pain than remain the same
30. My mind is like a book-I learn nothing until I open it
31. One day as a tiger is worth more than a thousand as a sheep
32. I am creative, creating is the true essence of life
33. With one bite at time, my goal is mine!
34. Crisis is an opportunity for a new direction
35. If I have no purpose, I have no power!

14, 22, 25, 27 are my favourites from this list- I wish I could find the rest, I had 10 times the amount!

What's your favourite?

The Happiness Institute

Hey I just stumbled on this accidentally-looks great!

www.thehappinessinstitute.com

Have a look!

The Simple Pleasures Part II

So where was I? Oh Yeah- make your pleasures count! Don't try to 'multi-task' pleasures and don't allow distractions. Coz then they're not pleasures any more.

I used to follow the 4 pleasures a day rule very well with the support of a friend and a handy list on the fridge. Then life got in the way and it dwindled. And then I forgot about it. Now I need it again and I'm trying to remember what was on that list??? A cup of Tea, sure. But the others I can remember aren't really the same for me any more. So, to make a new list! It should be fun, making a list of all the things I love doing, but it's not, it's daunting. And I'm procrastinating because the making of the list means I have to ask myself awkward questions and stuff. Like- "I know! Eating chocolate-I love eating chocolate. I think. Do I? I mean I do it a lot, but do I really get pleasure from it? No, not really, any amount of pleasure I might feel is always overwhelmed by the inevitable guilt. So why do I do it? Habit? I don't know. This is too hard!"

And then I realise I have no real hobbies or interests. I do stuff, like crafts and knitting and netsurfing, but I realy only do it to fill in time. So what makes me happy? Eww, another awkward question. I'm even questioning whether or not I'll post this now, because I feel like a tool! How hard can it be? So my list so far is:

Weeding (no laughing)
Watering the lawn
cup of tea (in peace!)
Bath 'n' book combo
internet

Now I'm no mathmetician, but at 4 a day I'm gonna need more than that. Or I am going to have to start weeding and watering the whole suburbs gardens. Time to look inside myself (Gulp) and ask the hard questions. Tomorrow - I am a procrastinator after all ;)

If you would like to share the little pleasures that help you get through your day, please comment!

The Simple Pleasures

So a couple years ago I was involved in a little self-help, support type group for new mums with depression and/or anxiety issues. We learnt a lot of really useful stuff. Oneof the things we learnt was to take time out for a personal 'pleasure' (not rude!) at least 4 times a day. I know what you're thinking- 4?!?! A day!?!? How am I going to find time for that? I know that's your reaction because that was our (loud) reaction.

So we were calmed down and it was explained that the pleasures needn't be 'big' things and they actully don't necessarily take any more time out of your day. For example, when I was asked, I said one of the things I liked to do was just to have a cup of tea in peace and quiet- I had a 6month old and 21month old at the time. If I did actually find time to make a cup of tea, I usually got distracted and didn't end up drinking it, because the wshing machine stopped or the phone rang or a baby cried. And thn when I found the cold, undrunk? tea I felt even worse - I'm so useless I can't even drink a cup of tea before it goes cold I'm so unorganised!

After a bit of probing it was discovered that get out of bed at 7am every day, put on some washing and do some other stuff before the baby wakes (between 7 and 7:30am). So it was put to me- what if the first thing I do when I get up isn't washing but to enjoy a cup of tea? The washing will still get done and I get one of my pleasures in. And it a nice way to start the day.

Another scenario- I like a cup of coffee,but now I just drink it in between getting the kids ready for school and making lunches etc. So wht if you sat down and enjoyed your coffee first? Then you could savour it and relax and then you would feel happy and refreshed and better able to deal with the morning rush.

Doing the chores during the ads of your favourite show is also a no-no. You come back one minute too late and miss a crucial part. Just give yourself permission to do nothing but enjoy the program for half an hour. Much better.

On that note, my show has just come on, so I will take my own advice and post the est of this thought later : )