One is the Lonliest number.

I am really depressed. I can't remember feeling this depressed for a very long time. With my history, that's a pretty big call.

I have been medicated for depression for 6 years. It took a while to get the drug and the dose right and I went to a very helpful course with other new mum's suffering depression and learnt a lot of skills to manage my depression when the medication isn't enough. Trouble is, when your feeling this depressed, you really don't want to do anything to help yourself get out of it (this is called the downward spiral).

Serious things have not gone my way recently, things that make me very anxious. Anxiety is just another form of depression we learnt. I know its bad when I can't sleep- I'm one of those 'Damn right I'm good in bed, I can sleep for days!' people (that was going to be the title of this post, but too upbeat for how I'm feeling). The last time I couldn't sleep was when our young family was seriously looking at being homeless- that's how serious it has to be before I lose sleep. I haven't slept properly at night for over a week.

Mostly the problem is I don't have a large "Support Network". I don't have a lot of friends, I had a vey small family to start with, before a lot of them turned their backs on me, and the things that usually keep me sane, work, dancing etc aren't on in the school holidays.

If you know someone with depression, or maybe someone with little or no family, call them, please.

Slow and Steady

I am going to try a new stunt. I am going to try and trick myself into doing all the things I know are good for me. I am going to take a gradual,measured approach in the hope that this will make my new life improvements stick. i read somewhere that you have to do something every day for a month for it to become habit. So I am going to try something new for October. I am going to remember to take my anti-depressant meds as soon as I wake up every day. Because I forget a lot. And that is not good for me or my kids or anyone around me. I am going to make a big, bright sign for next to my bed and leave my pills and a water botlle there. And hopefully after a month it will just be habit and I won't even have to try anymore. Future challenges will include:


I will "Findy Thirty" minutes of physical activity every day- playing with the kids, walking, dancing etc.
I will drink 8 glasses of water every day- I read somewhere that being even 5% dehydrated causes your cognition to fall by over 20%!
I will do 4 pleasures every day.

any other suggestions would be appreciated. If this works I'll be perfect by this time next year!

Lady or Mummy?

Morning.
School & work day.
Slept in again.
Me in bathroom periodically barking instructions at Miss 4 and Miss 5.
Trying to make myself look professional in 2.1 secs flat.
Miss 5 is watching, fascinated (instead of finding her reading file like I've asked 6 times already). I say (in a moment of stupidity) "Do I look pretty?"
Miss 5 "You look like a lady"
Me "I am a lady!"
Miss 5 "No you're not, you're a Mummy!"

sigh.